A diagnosis in adulthood, why?

A diagnosis in adulthood, why? I read and often hear questions about the need to be diagnosed with autism when you are an adult and that you have lived your whole life like that without the diagnosis. Except that no, I did not live, but I survived my whole life like this, without the diagnosis, in a world that I did not understand and that did not understand me either. With people who do not communicate like me, with failures, fears, anxieties, pains, rejection, labels such as "moron", crises to never end. When I was little, I had severe features of autism. My mom knew that it was wrong, but she was not given answers to her questions although she was questioned several times about my quirks, although I have seen doctors, psychologists, social workers, that I have been interned Teenage girl in a psychiatric hospital. Why seizures? Why is she swaying all the time? Why doesn't she eat anything? Why is she playing with her saddles? Why is she so rejected, mocked at school? Why? She was offered a special school for intellectually deficient children, but my mom believed in me, she knew I was no less intelligent than the others. Fortunately, my mom refused this orientation for me. What would have happened if she had accepted? Would I, by force of Will, have made a semblance of a place in this society, met my husband, founded my family? Back to school? When my son was diagnosed with autism, of course, like all anxious parents, I immersed myself in the literature to inform me. And it became very clear that I was more than concerned with autism. The professionals who were following my son had no doubts about the issue and encouraged me to make the diagnosis process. I was lucky, I didn't have to wait years, like some, to get a diagnosis. I was received by a multidisciplinary team very aware of high-level autism/Asperger's, autism in women. The diagnostic approach has been stressful, stressing, long hours of testing, testimony of my mom, my husband. It was a scary time, I was waiting for answers, but I didn't know which ones. What if I make movies? What if they didn't have specific answers to give me? What if I was just crazy? And so, and if… On the day of the results, I went backwards, eager to finally know but at the same time, afraid of not having answers that really help me. I entered the office of the psychiatrist who immediately told me that it was very clear to them, I was autistic. They did not have the shadow of hesitation. She explained to me that I had a perception in detail, a theory of the deficit spirit, that I did not understand my emotions and those of others… I remember my first reaction was to look all around me and then wonder how non-autistic people could perceive things, if I did not perceive things like them? This diagnosis brought me very confusing feelings, it took me a while to unravel all that. I was relieved and guiltless to know that no I was not crazy or "stupid", but at the same time I was shocked, sad and angry. Because yes, it was not nothing to learn that one is autistic at 27 years, and how it was not possible to diagnose me during all these years when all the symptoms were strongly present? And then, if I am autistic, it also means that no, it is not the others who communicate poorly, are wicked and intolerant, but it is I who am inadequate to them, who does not communicate well, who does not know me understand. I'm the problem. It took me a while, months, to digest that, to admit that. Still today, I have trouble. This diagnosis has brought me a lot of positive though. Of course, I would have liked to have just a transient disorder that could disappear with good therapy, which is not the case with autism. But finally, I knew what was wrong with me. It's like when the pieces of a puzzle have all been mixed but we can finally reconstruct the image. I was finally able to give meaning to my life, to my daily lives. Understand my difficulties in order to better accept and tame them. In concrete terms, I was able to have a disability recognition, an appropriate educational follow-up, a suitable psychological and psychiatric follow-up, development for my studies, accompaniment of the association. In short, little things that end up helping me to live better in this society that is so often chaotic for me. Of course the diagnosis does not solve everything, I still have a lot of difficulties, I am always often in a handicap situation, but if it does not solve everything, it helps me to get better, to move forward. So yes, I would have given everything to have a diagnosis child, but even adult, this diagnosis is useful, important! No it's not just sticking a label. Having an adapted care, more kindness and understanding, after all these years of struggling alone, it has no price! Aspergirl & Dogmatix 


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